Ripped Off.

Hey, everybody.  I'm sorry I haven't written for a LONG time.  I took a much longer break than I intended to.

Two nights before my MCAT, I had some really typical and hilarious nightmares.  In one of my nightmares, the physics section turned out to be about the physics of applying makeup... and even though I thought to myself, "I'm a girl, I should know how to do this," I didn't know how to do any of it.  Unfortunately, I experienced a similar feeling during my actual MCAT... the physics section felt like Greek.  How terrible.  And of course, while I was taking verbal I was just caught up with how terribly my physics must have went ... and it was just a cascade downhill from there.



I took my MCAT on April 16th, and I think it went awfully.  Hopefully, it didn't, because I really DO NOT want to take this again.  I chose not to void, but the fact that one of my friends (who took it on the same day at the same place) decided to has really shaken me up.

I have exactly two more weeks until I find this out.

I DO NOT deserve a bad score.  I studied hard and I was getting good scores on the practice tests I took before my actual test.  That is the most irritating part.  I did not wing it; I prepared myself for hundreds of hours, neglecting schoolwork, friendships, my family, and (worst of all) my relationship.  This thing temporarily took away my life, and I want it back.  THIS is what upsets me.  I gave up so much for this thing, and at the moment I am getting bitten in the a$$.

I hate the AAMC.  Seriously, it cost me $230 (?) to take the damn test.  And now it's going to cost me so much money to apply to all these schools... primary AND secondary applications.  Ugh.  It's a good thing I come from a semi-affluent family who have been SO wonderful and paying everything for me.  Yes, I am spoiled.  No, I am not ungrateful.

Everything seems to be tumbling down at once.  This test went awfully, my relationship took a twist that I didn't like (we are trying to come back from it and I think it's working), and now I have unbearable anxiety.  I have lost weight and appetite.  Ugh.  It is getting better, and I know it will get better ... but these things are so difficult to deal with.  Will this work out?  Where will I go?  Will I be happy?  What about my family?  Can I survive without them right at my side?

All of this sh!t aside, I really do not want to get even more ripped off and waste what should be one of the best summers of my life.

I should be getting wasted instead, right?  Hahahhah.  Ew.

I will try to keep in touch.  If anyone reading this is free and would like to hang out with me, please let me know because I am trying to build up friendships as well.  :)  Hopefully I'll write something more entertaining and b!tchy in the near future.  To those of you who I've seen or talked to lately, thank you so much for being supportive.  I really would be in the hospital without you.

<3.